XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k

XV

TOM: That V is actually the top half of a much bigger X.

THE GREAT MYSTERY

CROW: Push the button, Watson.

The story soon spread all around the farmyard,

JOEL: Sky falling. Huh. Well, it'll do that.

how
fat Mrs. Hen

TOM: How fat is she?

had been seen talking with no less a rascal than
Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: But not more a rascal than two Tommy Foxes less one Peter Mink!

Everybody told her that it was a dangerous thing to
do

TOM: Well if everyone told you it was dangerous to jump off a cliff ... ?

and that it was a wonder she had escaped,

JOEL: I wonder how she escaped!
TOM: Everyone's asking!

until Mrs. Hen
began to feel that she was quite the most important person in
the neighborhood.

CROW: o/` Who are the people in your neighborhood? o/`

Even old dog Spot asked her some questions
one day---some of which she could answer, and some of which
she could not.

TOM: Why does it rain?
CROW: What's the capital of Nebraska?
JOEL: How do you know if it's a leap year?
CROW: Why does it Nebraska?
TOM: How are trains?
JOEL: Will I be licked by purple?
CROW: How many are 'a book'?

For one thing, she couldn't (or wouldn't) tell what
way Grumpy left the farmyard.

TOM: As a hen it's important she protect her sources.

"He just jumped back and was
gone before I knew it," she said.

CROW: [ As Spot ] 'So you don't know he's gone.'
JOEL: [ As Mrs Hen ] 'Know who's gone?'

"That's what they all say," said Spot. "He's so quick
you never can see him go."

TOM: [ As Spot ] 'But I want you to try.'

Now, Mrs. Hen ought to have explained that Grumpy
Weasel disappeared from inside the henhouse.

CROW: I think she could explain from wherever she happened to be.

But she was not
a person of much sense.

JOEL: She's more of a raconteur.

By that time she began to think that
perhaps Grumpy Weasel was as bad as the neighbors had said.

TOM: 'Really? *He's* he guy who keeps putting NewsNation on the TV at the car dealership?'

And she was afraid that her relations might find fault with
her

JOEL: Your tail feathers are out of order, clean it up or we'll report you to the Hen Owners Association.

if they learned that she had invited Grumpy to enter
their house.

TOM: If he doesn't come to her house how will Grumpy be one of the comfortable people?

Silly Mrs. Hen decided that she wouldn't tell
what she had done.

CROW: They're going to suspect something when they find a weasel in the pantry, though.

But she never tired of talking about what
she called "the great mystery"

TOM: How to unite gravity and electromagnetism!

---meaning "Where did Grumpy
Weasel go?"

JOEL: I love these 'Where's Weasel?' puzzles.

It was simple enough.

TOM: The henhouse was twins the whole time!

To escape meeting old dog Spot,
Grumpy Weasel had crawled into the old rat hole.

CROW: Templeton!
JOEL: [ Shakes his fist ]

It suited
him quite well to do that, for more than one reason.

TOM: Why do we even *have* a hole that makes rats old?

Not only
did he avoid trouble, but he found the other end of the rat
hole.

JOEL: It's this great little dive, they do karaoke Mondays, it's awesome.

Silly Mrs. Hen had done exactly as he had hoped. She
had shown him a way to get into the henhouse at night in
spite of locks and bolts and doors.

CROW: The secret was asking nicely.

And Grumpy Weasel went
off to the woods well pleased with himself.

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'I'm so happy I have this deep hole in the ground to keep my water!'
JOEL: [ Puts his hand on TOM's shoulder. ]

"Perhaps, after all, it pays to be pleasant," he
said

CROW: It's nice to be nice ... to the nice.

---just as if that was a reason! But he stopped short all
at once.

JOEL: Grumpy's heart grew three sizes that day ... to four below average.

"There's that stupid Mrs. Hen," he cried aloud. "She
was pleasant; but it won't pay her, in the end!"

CROW: Great little sociopath we've got for our protagonist here.
TOM: He's *not* a sociopath. He's a weasel, he doesn't have a theory of mind so he can't disregard the theory of mind in other people.
CROW: ... What?

So he
decided on the spot that he would keep on being surly.

JOEL: Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry before they're taken out by the surly.

It
would be much easier for him, anyhow.

TOM: Growing as a person is so hard.

That very night Grumpy Weasel stole back to the
henhouse.

CROW: Hens running around wondering where all their back is.

And he was just about to creep up to the old rat
hole,

TOM: It's $5 Mystery Beer Pitcher night!

pausing first to take a searching look all around, when
he saw a motionless figure sitting on a low-hanging limb of a
tree near-by.

CROW: [ Gasping ] Gargoyles!

It was Solomon Owl.

JOEL: Wisdom of Shazam!

And Grumpy could see that
he was staring at the rat hole as if he were waiting for
somebody.

TOM: [ Stage-whispering ] 'He's asleep!'
CROW: [ Snores ]

Grumpy Weasel knew at once that that rat hole was no
safe place for him.

JOEL: There are spies everywhere!

Very gingerly he drew back into a deep
shadow.

TOM: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [ Fading out, as though falling; finally, a distant ] Splash!

And as he pondered silently he saw a huge rat step
out of the hole.

JOEL: [ As Rat ] 'What a night to be young and have my whole life spread out in front of me!'

Solomon Owl swooped down and grabbed the
fellow before he knew what was happening.

CROW: [ As the Rat, fading ] 'Someone update my status on the office Slack!'

Well, Grumpy Weasel saw that all his trouble had gone
for nothing.

TOM: All that trouble? Eh, it's nothing.

Silly Mrs. Hen hadn't known what she was talking
about.

JOEL: In what way, exactly?

If Solomon Owl was in the habit of watching that hole
Grumpy certainly didn't mean to go near it.

CROW: Oh, you're mean enough to go near it, don't worry.

Of course he was angry. But Mrs. Hen never learned
what he said about her.

JOEL: His rant about birds all conspiring together, though, would get him suspended from Twitter for almost ten minutes.

No matter what remarks her neighbors
made,

CROW: Whether they be 'there's an angleworm there' or 'hey, did you see that other angleworm' or 'I'd rather not be eaten'.

she always insisted afterward

TOM: It would be odd to insist beforeward.

that Grumpy Weasel was
one of the most pleasant and polite gentlemen she had ever
met.

JOEL: I think the rest of the farmyard needs to start doing better.

[ End of Chapter 15 ]


--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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