XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k

IX

TOM: That's one of those obscure moons of Saturn, right?
JOEL: Looking forward to meeting Queen Zixi.

SAVING HIS FEET

CROW: For marriage.

Old Mr. Crow and Jimmy Rabbit had a good laugh over
Grumpy Weasel's plan for a race with Jimmy. They thought it a
great joke.

JOEL: Maybe you had to be there. Wait, we were!

"He needn't give me a start," Jimmy said.

TOM: 'Needn't'.

"I can beat
Grumpy easily."

"Never mind that!" Mr. Crow advised.

CROW: [ As Jimmy ] 'Well, I can *not* beat him even more easily!'

"You might as
well let him have his way.

TOM: You needn't make him all grumpy.

He'll look all the more foolish,
trying to catch up with you."

JOEL: Now into your clown suit and remember to let your pants fall down!

So Jimmy Rabbit agreed to run the race as Grumpy
Weasel wished,

TOM: Only two more wishes and Jimmy goes back into the magic lamp!

saying that he was ready to start at once.

CROW: Zoom!
JOEL: [ As Maxwell Smart ] 'Would you believe starting at *twice*?'

But Mr. Crow told him he had better wait till the
next day.

TOM: Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after ...

"That will give me time to tell everybody," he
explained,

CROW: Including Santa Claus and Princess Ozma of the Land of Oz!

"and then there'll be a big turnout to see you
win---and to jeer at Grumpy Weasel for losing."

TOM: Wasn't this the plot of 'It's Motocross, Charlie Brown'?

And one could
tell from Mr. Crow's remark

JOEL: That he's one sassy bot.
CROW: He's different.

that he liked Jimmy Rabbit and
that he despised Grumpy Weasel.

CROW: Or that he's playing both sides against the middle.

The next day proved to be a fine one for the race.

TOM: [ Grumbling ] Man, 25 bucks fine for racing ...

It
wasn't too hot nor too cold;

JOEL: It was threatening to be a little too medium.

and early in the morning the
field- and forest-people began gathering at Grumpy Weasel's
hunting ground,

CROW: Mmm, buffet.

where the stone wall touched the clearing.

TOM: Watch out for holes!

About the only persons that objected to the time set
for the race were Benjamin Bat and Solomon Owl.

TOM: Minor characters get alliterative names, real characters get normal names.

Benjamin said
that he could never keep awake to watch it;

CROW: We *get* it, Benjamin, you're not a racing fan. Stop dissing us who *are*.

and Solomon
complained that he couldn't see well in the daytime.

JOEL: But they're not *racing* a well.

But all
the rest of the company were in the best of spirits, giggling
slyly whenever they looked at Grumpy Weasel,

TOM: He-he-he-he-hah
JOEL: Mwuh-uh-ha-hah-haa!
CROW: [ High-pitched cackling ]

who seemed to
pay scant heed to his neighbors,

TOM: I love whenever Scant Heed To His Neighbors comes up on the indie station.

though you may be sure his
roving black eyes took in everything that was going on.

JOEL: Tale of *Greedy* Weasel.

He
seemed more restless than ever as he waited for Jimmy Rabbit
to arrive,

CROW: Well, how restless *is* Ever?
JOEL: Ever Egret.

walking to and fro on his front legs in a most
peculiar fashion,

TOM: It's called warming up, Narrator!

while he kept his hind feet firmly planted
on the ground in one spot.

JOEL: Restless *Some* Legs Syndrome.

Of course he could never have
moved about in this manner had his body not been so long and
slender.

CROW: Fatty Raccoon in the background, not moving at all.

Noticing Grumpy's strange actions, old Mr. Crow
looked worried

CROW: No, I figure Grumpy knows what he's doing!

and asked him what was the matter.

TOM: Bubble wrap rehearsals.

"I hope
your hind feet aren't troubling you, just as the race is
about to begin," he said.

JOEL: Maybe his ankles are too tight, ever think about that?

Grumpy Weasel hissed at the old gentleman before he
replied:

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'Sorry, my tire cap was loose.'

"Don't worry! You'll soon see that my hind feet can
travel as fast as my front ones---

JOEL: That feels like a threat, somehow.
CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'And then I'll show those fools at the Academy!'

when I want to use them."

TOM: [ As Grumpy ] 'But when I remove them from their box they lose a lot of value so I want to be sure this is worth it.'

"Ah!" Mr. Crow exclaimed knowingly.

JOEL: [ As Mr Crow ] 'I have no idea what you just told me!'

"He's saving his
hind feet for the race."

TOM: Yeah, close enough.

When Jimmy Rabbit reached the gathering place, coming
up in a long lope,

CROW: I love those old-fashioned vehicles like jitneys and phaetons and lopes and everything.

Mr. Crow hurried to meet him.

JOEL: Mr Crow, do you just want to race Jimmy? Is that your game?

"I advise you to save your hind feet," he whispered.

TOM: Don't spend them all in one place.

"Grumpy Weasel is saving his."

CROW: Just in case the boss battle really needs feet.

Jimmy Rabbit told Mr. Crow, with a smile, that he had
saved his hind feet all his life---and his front ones, too.

JOEL: El-Ahrairah looking at Jimmy after this going, 'Eh, I guess. Fine.'

"I've brought them along to-day,"

JOEL: Even though I needn't.

he said, "to help
me win this race."

CROW: My feet, and the weasel-proof tape at the finish line.


--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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