XPost: alt.tv.mst3k, alt.fan.mst3k

V

CROW: The Final, Belated Battle

SOLOMON OWL INTERRUPTS

TOM: He's wise, not polite.

Plump little Mr. Meadow Mouse

JOEL: ... Came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed ...

wished he had stayed
away from Grumpy Weasel's hunting ground.

CROW: Totally bogus to have the ground hunting you. The sky never does that cop stuff.

He would have
scampered off, had he not known that Grumpy could overtake
him before he had made three leaps.

TOM: Hear me out now, what if you take two leaps?
CROW: One leap and a jaunty pirouette?

So he saw no way out of
his trouble,

TOM: Maybe declare bankruptcy?

though he could think of nothing less agreeable
than trying to slip through a small hole with Grumpy Weasel
close at hand, watching him narrowly.

JOEL: I don't know, Grumpy seems to be pretty positive about this.

Then all at once Mr. Meadow Mouse had an idea.

TOM: Wait, it won't help if you try and stop Christmas from coming.

"You
go first!" he said politely. "Go through any hole you choose
and then I'll try my luck."

JOEL: Let's go inside and take this outdoors!

But Grumpy Weasel was too crafty to do that.

CROW: He had a huge pile of origami blocking the hole.

"You'd try your luck at running away," he snarled.

TOM: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'I'd try my skill, too!'

"You are the one to go first; and we'll have no words about
it."

JOEL: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'Can I at least gulp a little?'

Well, Mr. Meadow Mouse began to shake more than ever.

CROW: He's getting his groove on!

"Don't you think," he quavered, "that we'd better
wait a few days until I'm a bit smaller?

TOM: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'I'm growing down, you know. It's like growing up but the other way around?'

I'm afraid I've been
overeating lately and I might get stuck in a hole.

CROW: Well, what if the hole eats something and grows a bit?

And of
course that would be awkward."

JOEL: Oh, we'd pretend not to look, don't worry.

"Ha, ha!" Grumpy Weasel actually laughed. But it was
not what any one could call a hearty, wholesome, cheerful
sort of laugh. On the contrary, it sounded very cruel and
gloating.

CROW: Oh, great, he's an Internet snarker.
JOEL: [ Coughing, embarrassed ]

"Hoo, hoo!" Another laugh---this one weird and
hollow---boomed out from the hemlock tree just above Mr.
Meadow Mouse's head.

CROW: Huh, huh?
TOM: o/` They're coming to take me away! o/``

He jumped, in spite of himself---did Mr. Meadow
Mouse.

JOEL: A wink of his eye and a twist of his head ...

And so, too, did Grumpy Weasel. Both of them leaped
for the old stone wall.

TOM: [ As JOEL swings his arms like a baseball umpire ] 'SAFE!'

And each flashed into a crevice
between the stones,

JOEL: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'Oh uh ... hi. Funny meeting you here?'

though Grumpy Weasel was ever so much the
quicker of the two. They knew Solomon Owl's voice too well to
mistake his odd laughter.

CROW: Whose?
JOEL: Naturally.

"What's your hurry, gentlemen?" Solomon called to
them.

TOM: Solomon Grund-Owl, born on a Mond-Owl.

Mild Mr. Meadow Mouse made no reply.

JOEL: Couldn't quite nail the alliteration.

But from Grumpy
Weasel's hiding place an angry hiss told Solomon Owl that one
of them, at least, had heard his question.

CROW: Oh no! Daniel Snake is leaking!

"Come out!" said Solomon Owl. "Don't be shy! I've
dined already."

TOM: I just want to snuggle!

Well, that made the two in the wall feel somewhat
bolder.

CROW: Going to ruin things if animals ever discover lying.

And soon they ventured to peep out and gaze at
Solomon, to see whether he looked like a person who had just
enjoyed a good meal.

JOEL: [ As Solomon ] 'I didn't say I *enjoyed* it, just that I *ate* it.'

"You're not as hollow as you sound, I hope," Grumpy
Weasel remarked with some suspicion in his tone.

TOM: ... the heck?
CROW: No, no, the logic checks out.

As for Mr. Meadow Mouse, he wouldn't dream of making
so rude a remark.

JOEL: But he's already composing his review on Bird Yelp.
CROW: [ As Meadow Mouse ] 'Is that a bird? Y-elp!'

"It's a fine evening and I hope you're feeling
happy," he piped.

TOM: Is he signalling for a spy? The smoked cabbage never swings the light anchor.

"Oh, very! Very!" said Solomon Owl solemnly.

JOEL: How does a beak make those 'V' sounds?

Mr. Meadow Mouse was a trusting sort of chap

CROW: Hardly a week went by a friend didn't trick him into looking up 'gullible' in the dictionary.
TOM: [ Way too defensive ] Not believing it until you saw the word missing is the *opposite* of gullible!
CROW: [ Snickering ]

He was
all ready to leave his cranny. But Grumpy Weasel was not yet
satisfied.

JOEL: Not letting you go until you regret talking to him: the Grumpy Weasel Guarantee!

"Which one of us are you answering?" he demanded of
Solomon.

CROW: Was ... was there a question?
TOM: No, but you can take an idle curiosity out of petty thoughts.

"Him!" said Solomon.

TOM: That devil guy from the Powerpuff Girls? The heck?

"Did you say, 'Ahem?'" Grumpy Weasel wanted to know.

"No, no!" Solomon assured him.

CROW: [ As Grumpy ] 'Well, could you? I've go a great joke I need you to set up.'

"I said, 'him.' I was
answering your friend."

TOM: But Grumpy Weasel is a friend to everybody!

Grumpy Weasel made a wry face, as if he did not care
to have anybody speak of Mr. Meadow Mouse as a friend of his.

TOM: Well, almost everybody!

And he did not quit the stone wall

JOEL: Oh, you can't just quit a stone wall, you have to give them time to train your replacement wall.
TOM: Replacement well ...

until he had seen Mr.
Meadow Mouse venture forth in safety.

"Just by accident I overheard your remarks a few
minutes ago," Mr. Owl explained.

CROW: Well, Solomon Owl sure wasn't using any hunting ground.

"I'd like to watch this
hole-crawling contest.

JOEL: Pleasant Valley does not have smart phones yet.
CROW: It's 1915, 'phones' are just hollering.

And I'll stay here and be the
umpire---and see that there's fair play."

TOM: [ As Solomon Owl ] It's a little weird, but I like weird!


.


--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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