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III

TOM: Chapter One, Part TWo, Part Two

MASTER ROBIN'S LESSON

CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Always --- I mean never --- I mean don't avoid --- I mean make sure not to miss --- '

When young Master Robin heard the strange voice that
sounded so grumpy and so near him he was terribly frightened.

JOEL: Grumpy Bear?
TOM: Oh no, we got Care Bears staring at us.

He forgot that he thought himself grown up, and very wise,

CROW: Wise people are never cornered by the grumpy!

and quite able to go about alone. He didn't even look to see
who was speaking,

JOEL: Robin sounds ill-mannered.

but fell backwards off the limb of the
apple tree.

TOM: Hit every iPod on the way down.
CROW: [ As Robin ] 'Ow! Ow! Owie! Ow! Ouch!' Thud!

It was lucky for him, too, that he fell just when he
did.

JOEL: [ As Robin, weakly ] 'It *was*?'

For a long brownish person, white underneath, took
Master Robin's place on the limb so promptly

TOM: Is he wearing an apron? Did a sous-chef just hop in?

that you could
hardly have said he jumped into it from somewhere else.

CROW: So put thoughts of claiming he had jumped into it from somewhere else out of your head, you wicked fool, you.

He
seemed to have popped out of the tree somewhat as a freshly
popped kernel of corn bursts forth.

JOEL: Inside a microwave bag?

A moment ago it was not
there! You were watching, but did not see it grow big.

TOM: What kind of a knob are you? Why do I have you on staff? Begone!

Well, all at once there was silence in the orchard.

JOEL: 'Silence in the Orchard' was my favorite Jethro Tull song.

Everybody was holding his breath, waiting to see what
happened to young Master Robin.

TOM; [ Whistles the opening bars from 'The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly'. ]

Though he had lost his
balance and tumbled backward he righted himself quite like an
old-timer and flew off across the orchard.

CROW: Real Buster Keaton move there, you admire the stone beak.

"I didn't know snakes could climb trees," he
stammered to Mr. Chippy, who had followed him.

JOEL: [ As Mr Chippy ] 'What do you know about fish that do parkour?'
CROW: 'Have you ever considered a whale who BASE jumping?'

"Snakes!" Mr. Chippy piped. "That wasn't a snake!

TOM: [ As Robin ] 'Was it two snakes?'

That was Grumpy Weasel.... And it's a wonder you ever
escaped," he added. "I must learn that backward somersault.
It's a good thing to know."

CROW: 'You make it look as easy as falling out of a tree --- say!'

You can see that Mr. Chippy was a very humble person.

JOEL: Well everyone knows to expect humility from a whatever a Chippy is.

But Mr. Jolly Robin's eldest son was quite proud. Already he
began to feel that he had been very skilful in escaping.

TOM: The escape room can't hold you if you just fly out!

But
of course it was only an accident that he got away.

CROW: Yes but given the contingent nature of history aren't all events 'accidents' really?

For once in his life Grumpy Weasel had been careless.

JOEL: If Grumpy Weasel had gone right to the police this would never have happened.

It had looked so easy---catching that clumsy young robin! He
had spoken to Master Robin, not dreaming that he could save
himself.

TOM: Well if you're not going to save yourself who do you expect to?

To make matters worse, Grumpy had found Mr. Chippy's
nest empty.

JOEL: Mr Chippy lost everything in the Panic of 1907.

And Grumpy Weasel was the sort of person that
liked to find a bird at home when he called.

TOM: When he cawwed.
CROW; [ Turns and looks at TOM. ]

It always made
him more ill-natured than usual to make a call for nothing.

JOEL: I mean, who does like making calls these days?

And now he had let a stupid young Robin escape him.

CROW: Like they say, it's not the number of breaths you take, it's the number of stupid young Robins you stop from breathing.

So it is
not surprising that his big black eyes snapped nor that he
said something in a fierce voice that sounded like "Chip,
chip, chip," but meant something a good deal worse.

JOEL: Soggy chip, soggy chip, soggy chip.

And to add to Grumpy Weasel's rage, somebody had
laughed hoarsely---somebody that sat in a tall elm across the
road.

TOM: The trees are mocking Grumpy too? That seems excessive.

If he could have caught Mr. Crow there is no doubt
that Grumpy would have made that black scamp sorry that he
laughed.

TOM: Lure him in with comic books and opinions about butter!
CROW: I told you those in confidence!

But old Mr. Crow was too wary to let anybody
surprise him.

CROW: I did not expect that!

"Haw, haw!" he laughed again. And Grumpy Weasel
actually couldn't bear to hear him.

JOEL: Wallace Bear, meanwhile, couldn't weasel to crow him.

Some of the onlookers
claimed afterward that they saw Grumpy Weasel start down the
tree. And that was as much as they could say.

TOM: Somehow he lapped himself and ended up right back up top of the tree.

No one knew how
he managed to slip out of sight.

JOEL: Grumpy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

And the field people say
that he was never seen again in that exact spot.

CROW: Ah yes, they say weasels never strike twice in the same place.


--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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