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II

TOM: Chapter One, Part Two.

AT THE OLD STONE WALL

CROW: o/` Down by the old stone wall! o/`

Little Mr. Chippy suddenly set up a great twitter.

JOEL: It's the Rankin/Bass Screenshots Without Context account.

Anybody could see that he was frightened. And one of Jolly
Robin's sons,

CROW: Joel Robinson?
JOEL: Hey! That's ...
CROW: Can't take it, huh?

perched in an apple tree near the stone wall
where Mr. Chippy lived in a wild grapevine, wondered what
could be the matter.

TOM: Is that reindeer?
CROW: It's some fox sulking about grapes again.

Presently, as he looked beneath him, he saw a long,
slim shape dart from a chink of the old wall, and as quickly
disappear.

JOEL: Romulans!

"Huh!" said young Master Robin.

TOM: [ As Alfred the Butler ] As Mister Wayne said you might, sir.

"Foolish people who
build their homes on walls must expect snakes for visitors."

CROW: Checks out, yeah.

And feeling quite wise and grown up, he turned his back on
Mr. Chippy,

JOEL: You know in the British edition of this book he was Mr Crispy.
TOM: In the British edition Mr Chippy is a nightmarish blob that's been a children's show host since 1978.

as if it really made no difference to him if Mr.
Chippy did have a dangerous caller.

CROW: Just let it go to voice-mail and then never check it.

Meanwhile others of the bird neighbors began to echo
Mr. Chippy's warning notes.

TOM: Oh, it's retweeting.

And young Master Robin thought
everybody was silly to make such a fuss over the misfortunes
of a humble person like Mr. Chippy.

CROW: Not caring if a little person gets hurt will never have a bad consequence for a bigwig like me!

"If they don't look out they'll scare all the
angleworms back into their holes," he grumbled---a remark
which shows that he knew little about the ways of the world.

JOEL: Youth has such naive ideas about angleworm homes, yeah.

And when Rusty Wren swerved near him and called to him to
look out for Mr. Chippy's visitor

TOM: Look out! Look out! The old man of the Chippy!

---that he was "a bad
one"---young Master Robin actually puffed himself up with
rage.

CROW: You know to the angleworms all the birds freaking out is a good thing.

"He seems to think I'm in danger of falling out of
this tree," he sneered aloud. "He doesn't know that I can
handle myself in a tree as well as he can."

JOEL: Is ... is he drunk?
TOM: [ As a drunk Robin ] 'You're all just jealous! You can't handle me! You all are lucky my *chick* is here!'

As he spoke,
Master Robin all but tumbled off his perch.

CROW: Whoops!

But he caught
himself just in time, then looked around hastily to see if
anybody had noticed his awkwardness.

TOM: Shouldn't have gone bragging how even the Ancient Greek Gods couldn't make him fall.

All this time poor Mr. Chippy's cries continued.

JOEL: [ As Bob Newhart ] 'So if you see our copilot running up and down the aisles screaming things like, oh, you know, we're gonna die, maybe just put your life jackets on just in case.'

There was really no reason for his alarm. For his wife was
away from home, with all their children.

CROW: Ooooh. Yeah, we get it.

But Mr. Chippy kept
flying back and forth in a great flutter. He too called to
young Master Robin that he'd better go home.

TOM: If there isn't actual danger then this is just cyberbullying.
CROW: Cy-bird-bullying.
TOM: Joel, make him stop.

Still that knowing youngster paid no heed to his
elder's advice.

JOEL: If the tweets are too loud you're too old, man.

"If snakes climb trees I've never seen them do it,"
he scoffed.

CROW: You've never seen snakes climb trees? It's, like, the coolest thing! They double up kinda like a paperclip?

"Hi, there! Haven't you seen------" Mr. Chippy
started to say.

TOM: Howdy!
JOEL: Friendly ol' sucker, isn't he?

But before he could finish his question
Master Robin interrupted him rudely.

CROW: If Master Robin's like this what do you suppose the Apprentice Robins are like?

"Certainly I saw him," he cried. "I saw him come out
of the wall and go in again."

TOM: You sawed him in two?

"He'll get you if you don't go away!" Mr. Chippy
shrieked.

JOEL: Unless he's away waiting for you to get there, I mean.

"Let him try!" Master Robin scoffed. He was sorry
that Mr. Chippy did not hear him.

TOM: *That's* the line you come up with?
JOEL: Birds don't get staircase wit.

. But that distracted little

person had already hurried off to warn somebody else.

CROW: Mr Chippy's going to be up for a Pleasant Valley Medal of Honor.
TOM: Sounds like _Tale Of Mr Chippy_ is the book we should be reading.

It was no time at all before Rusty Wren's wife gave a
piercing scream.

JOEL: Rusty Wren's wrife.
CROW: Rusty Wren wife, Rusty Wren life.

"That fat Robin boy---he'll be caught!" she wailed.

CROW: [ 'Batman' announcer ] What's *this*?

Now, it made Master Robin very angry to be spoken of
in such a way as that.

JOEL: Fine, 'That fat Robin boy --- he'll be *captured*.' Happy?

"Fat!" he burst out in a loud tone as he stared in
Mrs. Wren's direction. "Who's fat?"

TOM: Fatty Raccoon plummets from a broken branch behind them.

"You are!" said a strange, grumpy voice right behind
him---or so it seemed to young Master Robin.

CROW: Is this it? Has Grumpy Weasel finally entered his book?
JOEL: He's like Columbo, he shows up the latest he possibly can.

--
Joseph Nebus
Math Blog: https://nebusresearch.wordpress.com
Humor Blog: https://nebushumor.wordpress.com --------------------------------------------------------+---------------------

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