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COLUMNISTS
'A Nation in SERIOUS DECLINE': GOP platform is an
unhinged all-caps list of Trump lies
The platform is basically a bunch of random
capitalized words � PREVENT WORLD WAR THREE, REBUILD
OUR CITIES � generated, I assume, by an
authoritarian-leaning AI that was fed a Trump rally
transcript.
Rex Huppke
USA TODAY

Great news: The Republican Party is now officially
just as weird and drunk-uncle-ish as Donald Trump,
the convicted felon the party is rolling out as its
presidential candidate/democracy saboteur.

On Monday, the Republican National Committee's
platform committee adopted the strangest document
ever created and declared it the party�s new official
platform. It was less a serious expression of a
party�s values and plans for governing and more a
reminder that Republicans think actual policy
proposals are for woke ninnies and American voters
should just shut up and let billionaires control
things.

The title of the document is: �2024 GOP PLATFORM MAKE
AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!� Yes, there is punctuation �
presumably a colon � missing from that title. And
yes, there is an exclamation point at the end of that
title, which should serve as a reminder that this is
a wildly unserious political party.

But don�t worry, it gets far, far worse.
RNC platform is an all-caps mess of Trumpian promises
A campaign rally for President Joe Biden on July 4,
2024, in South Haven, Mich.

The preamble is replete with random capitalizations
and other MAGA-inspired assaults on the English
language. Take this line, for example: �But now we
are a Nation in SERIOUS DECLINE.�

That �SERIOUS� foreshadows an all-caps 20-point list
that makes up the party platform, letting the reader
know that SERIOUS things are ALWAYS written in ALL
CAPS to demonstrate their SERIOUSNESS. (Of note, the
Republican Party abandons its evangelical base by not
calling for a national abortion ban or defining
marriage as being strictly between a man and a
woman.)

Project 2025 is horrible:Biden? Harris? I don't care.
Stopping Trump and Project 2025 is all that matters.
Trump's GOP platform is heavy on scare tactics, light
on details

The 20 "promises� that make up the �2024 GOP Platform
to Make America Great Again!� begin with some good
old-fashioned dangerous xenophobia and a promise to
sweep across America and round up millions of
immigrants:

SEAL THE BORDER, AND STOP THE MIGRANT INVASION
CARRY OUT THE LARGEST DEPORTATION OPERATION IN
AMERICAN HISTORY

No. 3 is a simple �END INFLATION, AND MAKE AMERICA
AFFORDABLE AGAIN,� which sparks the question: If
y�all have some magic beans that will end inflation,
why are you holding on to them?
Leave it to Trump's GOP to randomly capitalize words
for no reason

The fourth promise includes an exclamation point,
just to remind readers this is all very stupid: MAKE
AMERICA THE DOMINANT ENERGY PRODUCER IN THE WORLD, BY
FAR!

There�s the usual anti-woke gibberish, like CANCEL
THE ELECTRIC VEHICLE MANDATE and KEEP MEN OUT OF
WOMEN�S SPORTS.

Democrats need to do more:Biden's attempt to save his
campaign and presidency was too underwhelming for the
moment

Otherwise, the actual platform of a party that thinks
it should be trusted with governing is basically a
bunch of randomly capitalized words � PREVENT WORLD
WAR THREE, REBUILD OUR CITIES � generated, I assume,
by an authoritarian-leaning artificial intelligence
that was fed a Trump rally transcript.
Surely, this party platform is missing a few items
Trump wants
Former President Donald Trump at his criminal trial
in New York City on May 28, 2024.

What struck me most, though, was the absence of
promises I�m sure Trump himself wanted to get in
there. Stuff like CANCEL ALL FUTURE VOTING CUZ IT'S
DUM and CUT FEDERAL FUNDING FOR ANY SCHOOL THAT DOES
NOT TEACH STUDENTS THAT DONALD TRUMP WON THE 2020
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION AND IS THE BEST PRESIDENT OF
ALL TIME.

But that's neither here nor there.

What matters is that this sub-kindergarten gibberish
is what Democrats are running against. Should they
get around to deciding whether President Joe Biden is
too old to be their nominee, they've got a decent
chance of winning because a lot of Americans think
stuff like "STOP THE MIGRANT INVASION" is
fearmongering nonsense.
Unlike Republican Party and Trump, Democratic Party
shows maturity in considering Biden's future

The very fact that Democrats are hashing out Biden's
future following his woeful presidential debate
performance shows the party is approximately 9
billion times more serious than the GOP.

Look at it this way:

Biden showed his age during one debate, and it
launched widespread Democratic soul-searching and
consideration of the future.

Trump lost the last presidential election, got
convicted of multiple crimes and spews hateful
rhetoric like an angry sprinkler. What do Republicans
do? They embrace him and let him dictate a party
platform that effectively says: "I CANS HAS LIBERTY!"

We'll know soon enough whether Biden will continue as
the Democratic standard-bearer. Until then, look over
the platform that the other side is promoting.

It'll make you wonder if they're really up to the
job.

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