XPost: alt.fan.rush-limbaugh, alt.atheism
DeSantis Relaunches Presidential Campaign From Inside Burning Tesla
TALLAHASSEE, FL�Attempting his formal announcement again in an effort to compensate for last night�s glitch-ridden debacle on Twitter, Florida Gov.
Ron DeSantis reportedly relaunched his presidential campaign Thursday from inside a burning Tesla. �America deserves a president who won�t cave to wokeness and will instead embrace the values of our founding fathers,� said DeSantis, who, sitting in the front seat of a Tesla Roadster as it filled
with smoke and the doors automatically locked, looked on helplessly when the hood erupted in flames, the self-driving function engaged, and the fiery vehicle tore through the streets, running over numerous pedestrians. �We must rein in the administrative state, and President�President Biden isn�t� Shit, shit, shit. Um, we need�oh God!�we need to shut down the border, and�we, ugh,
I need help! Please, call 9-1-1! I can�t control this thing!� At press time, first responders had reportedly rescued DeSantis by pulling him out through
one of the Tesla windows, its bulletproof glass having shattered immediately after an officer fired a single shot at it.
https://www.theonion.com/ron-desantis-relaunches-presidential-campaign-from- insi-1850475896
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